Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Heart Attack

Samantha visiting daddy in the hospital.

My husband had a heart attack over the weekend. He was having what we thought was heart burn while camping with Emily. He went to the doctor on Monday morning. She did an EKG and she told him to go to the ER. They ran a few tests and the got right to surgery. They did an angioplasty and put in two stints, Please keep our family in your prayers and pray for Marty to have have complete restoration.

I am so overwhelmed. I am so scared. The love of my life, my sweet darling husband, now having stints in his heart and having to take off of these medications for the rest of his life. Will he have a shorter life, will there more complications with his heart in the future, how will we afford these medications when we were already struggling to pay our bills?

I feel so responsible. I feel I wasn't the best wife, that I caused him so much stress from our arguments that it damaged his heart. He had high cholesterol. But we mistakenly thought that with a good diet of whole grains, fruits and vegetables and exercise, that he could get it down. We never dreamed it was filling up his veins. I have so much regret. I love my husband so much. How am I going to be able to cope? How is he going to be able to provide? We have so many expenses with Samantha and now this and no insurance to cover it. We were barely making it as it was. His car is over 15 years old and keeps breaking down, and we can't afford to get him a new one. He can't work any harder than he already is. He is already at work until 7 and later each night, coming him utterly exhausted. Now he will be limited in how much he can do.  It's all my fault. If only, if only. If I could go back and have been a more relaxed, easy going, loving, supportive wife. If I had encouraged him to take the cholesterol lowering medication we wouldn't be in this boat.

I don't want to lose him earlier in life. He is the love of my life. I would be devastated. He is 51. I am about to be 47. We have all of these children to raise, the youngest being 11, 9, 4 and 7 months. I couldn't possibly go to work. Day care would take all of the money. I couldn't bear to leave my babies anyway. It would kill me. I wouldn't be able to function. My heart is in the home. I wish I knew of something I could do from home that wouldn't take too much time away from the family but would provide a decent income. And I don't mean multi-level marketing. That takes so much time building your team. I don't have that kind of time to be hanging on the phone constantly and whatever else is involved. I don't know what to do about Samantha's care with her having down syndrome when we are no longer here to take care of her. We can't set anything aside for her future. What is going to happen to her? I am so anxious. I have so much on my plate. Homeschooling the children, Samantha's therapy, running the home. Now I have to do his part too, taking the kids to their outside activities, taking out the trash, grocery shopping, getting Matthew ready for bed. He would do Matthew, who is 4, and I would do the baby.  And it goes on and on. Also, the sad thing is we make too much to qualify for governmental help but not enough to help ourselves.

Lord, help me. Help me to cope. Please heal my husband's heart and let there be no future complications or more blockage.  Please help me to be a good wife. Please provide for us. Please don't let us lose our home. Please show us the way. Please show Marty if there is a job he could do that would pay more and be so taxing. Please help us to be able to provide for at least the basic needs of our children, education, braces, medical, food and shelter. Please give us the money we need to pay for his medications each month for without them he will die. We need help now. I can't stop crying.

Open for prayer and advice and anything else God puts on your heart.

Linking with Never Growing Old.

I have placed a secure Paypal Donate button below if you would like to help us with our ongoing medical expenses. Thank you in advance and may God bless you.


  1. Oh sweetie, I am so sorry to hear this, you have been on my mind over the last week, I guess God was calling me to pray for you already, you are all deeply loved by Him. Trust Him with it all right now, he is doing something in you all right now. Know you are covered!

  2. Bless your hearts! Praying for healing for Marty, and peace and comfort for all of you. You certainly have a full plate right now! Know that you are being covered with prayer across the country : )

  3. Az Úr gondot visel. Deus providebit.

  4. I cried as I read your desperate cry....but God heard it, too, Ms. Trudy. Will continue to pray for all of you....especially for God to calm your fears. In HIS Most Precious Love....Deb

  5. I'm so sorry to hear this, will be thinking of you and your family in your time of need

  6. I am praying for the Lord to provide miracle after miracle for you and your family. God is with you, and may He bless you tremendously!

  7. I'm sorry to hear about your husband. The good thing is he went to the hospital in time. The fact that he had the surgery is really a positive thing. My father had the same procedure done a couple years ago and he's the same cranky old dad. Please do not blame yourself for his heart attack, there's no way you could have caused it unless you force fed him bacon every day. Some people just have a predisposition, regardless of a healthy lifestyle. Think of all of the athletes who have sudden heart attacks and they're in peak physical condition.

    As for the $ situation, could you home school other people's children? I don't know what your husband does for work but if he's a freelancer, maybe he could join the Freelancer's Union. I don't know if it's country wide but we have it in NY and freelance workers can get cheaper health insurance through them. I'm sure that when the time comes, your older children will do everything they can to provide for Samantha. She will not be alone in this world. Best to you and yours.

  8. I'm praying for you all in this time of need. Trust in the Lord! He will provide. I have found that so true! I'm not saying it won't be a struggle, but you will come through it and able to praise God for his blessings. I am so sorry you're having to go through this!

  9. praying for you all! I love you guys!


  10. Trudy I am so sorry to hear about your husband health issue. Please stop thinking it is because of you. This is not. I will pray for all of you. He is taken care of I don't know how it all works in Texas but I am sure that one cannot let people unattended. Be strong your children need you.

  11. The Lord holds you in His hands, and nothing you can do - or life can do - can ever remove you from that precious place of protection.

    Praying for you!

  12. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. His staff pulls you closer to him, His rod shows you the right direction. Prayers are going up for your hubby and you. We can't change the past, only learn from it, blame only hurts us. So be brave and work towards a happy future.

  13. Praying for you! When so overwhelmed, God breaks our hearts so there is nothing, nothing left but peace and trust in Him.
    My mother in law is 20 full years past her heart attack, stints, etc. God comfort you and care for you all.

  14. Trudy please do not blame yourself.

    One project for you is to learn about a heart healthy diet. One project for your husband is to learn stress coping mechanisms.

    I am sorry there are other problems you are contending with. I have been in the situation of being at home homeschool mom with a suddenly unemployed husband and I wanted to keep homeschooling and raising my kids. I know what that part of your situation is like to deal with. And it doesn't help when I thought what I could earn full time would not support the family and the increased finances from daycare/after school care and the taxes on the income would use all the money I earned up anyway.

    Can you reach out to your church community for some help? In our former state our church had a ministry for car repairs for families who needed help. They also did oil changes for single moms. Some churches do really creative things to help people.

    How can you lean on your homeschool community?

    I am new to your community and don't even know you. I wish I could help in some way.

    Can you have your kids (aged 4-11) go with other homeschool families for at least part of the day to give you time to be with your husband while he's in the hospital and to breathe and to pray to seek peace? The other families could homeschool your kids for you just temporarily.

    You need to take care of yourself also or you will give yourself high blood pressure and other medical problems like an ulcer or who knows what.

    I am praying for you but wish I could do more.

  15. Trudy, my son had a massive heart attack at the age of 23. I have been through this and know your fear and pain. He had come home from two deployments safely and was 4 days from graduating from the Connecticut Police Academy. His journey is a long one and I have told some of it here:

    I am here for you 100% I cried every day for over a year. I had so many fears...the truth is he is great!!!! so, so great. He had damaged to his heart, and a stent. He was on all kinds of medication for about a year, and now only takes a baby aspirin (I hope). Your husband can recover from this and be better than ever.

    This is his journey and it is there for a reason only God may know. Please don't beat yourself does no one any good. You need to be gentle with yourself. Of all the organs in our bodies, God protects the heart with tender care. I know you have been through so many unexpected events in your life and it can leave you shell shocked. I get it. I do, I do, I do.

    Sending you more love and prayers than you could imagine.

  16. My heart and prayers are with you. God does not give us more than we can handle.

  17. Trudy, Trudy! I just learned of this! "Father in Heaven, right NOW I pray for peace for this family. May they rely on you as the anchor of their very souls, both sure and steadfast. (Heb. 6:19) You are their ROCK. You are their HEALER. Help them to trust You. Father, more than anything, we pray that you would heal him. Bring peace and trust to their home as they walk through this. AMEN."
    You need to know as well that this is nothing of your fault. Don't let yourself play this blame game - that is not of the Lord. Walk and trust. Take steps, one in front of the other. That's all you need to do. One moment at a time.
    Love you girl.

  18. Me again. Not finding any way to reach you privately. I would call you on the phone right now if I could. It is going to be okay. Things will change. Life will be different, but that does not mean one way is bad or good. Think of this as a blessing, an opening of your heart and his. I believe my son had his heart attack to help release all the pain he felt during the war. He needed to open his heart up and let it out. God did this for him in a most unusual way (smile). my e-mail is retrolassie at gmail dot com if you would like to reach out. I am here for you. please know that all of you are right there in the palm of Gods hand, fully protected cared for and loved.

    Find your trust and faith through this. Don't put your faith in fear or even what the doctors tell you. They told my son he would never be a police officer and two weeks from a massive heart attack he stood on stage and became one. It took him 7 more months of healing before he was allowed to work and then there was no stopping him. Last year he went through the very rigorous police training with a police dog. He was picked from 100 police officers to get the dog and go through the 5 month class and he graduated with the top award in the class. Miracles happen..
    more love xxxoo

  19. My grandfather had his first heart attack in his 40s and lived to be over 80 years old. It is a scary thing, but rely on the Lord and he will get you through. I will definitely be keeping you in our prayers.

  20. I'm praying for you and your family. Hang in there. The Lord will take care of you and your family. Keep praying and have faith. I can't imagine how scary this is for you right now, but with the looks of the comments you have lots of people praying for your family and also some widsom on heart issues. Keep the faith sweetie. God was already watching out for your dear husband as he has received proper medical care and something didn't happen to him on the camping trip. (((HUGS)))

  21. P.S. I need to also add, you can't blame yourself for this incident. Blame does no one any good and it won't fix the problem at hand. The only thing blame does is makes you feel worse about the situation. Concentrate on all the blessings you have instead, it will be much more productive. Could-a, should-a, would-a gets us all know where. Hind sight is always 20/20 and there are buckets of things we'd all do differently in life if we could go back. Look forward, not in your rear view mirror and implement the changes you and God think are necessary. Praying for you!

    1. I'm with Melissa! Blame won't change anything, so stop doing it! You love your husband and your family and have done everything you could to support them all. My thoughts and prayers are TOTALLY with you and your family in your time of need. Wish I could hug you right this second, but know that you've got support, no matter what. Keep us in the loop, won'tcha?

  22. I am not here to give advice.....just to let you know I am praying for you. My father-in-law had a similar experience when he was around that age....he was able to resume all previous work and activities....he just had to add more exercise and start taking medications. God knows what you need.....try to live in the perimeters of today. :)

  23. I'm praying for your husband, and also that the terrible (and unnecessary) guilt will be lifted from you. Can't you make money from the blog? You're such a creative person. Hang in there.

  24. Estoy contigo en tus oraciones.Espero que tengas fuerzas para quitarte ese sentido de culpa, piensa que solo te va a estorbar y ahora necesitas toda tu energia para ayudar a tu familia . Ademas no eres responsable de una enfermedad.Siempre creemos que podriamos haber hecho algo mas ,pero la verdadera solucion es ir intentado arreglar lo que nos va dando la vida.UN saludo desde España

  25. Trudy,
    just a note to let you know that you, your family and your husband are in my prayers. Hold on to Jesus as I know you do...praying peace and healing. Love you, Rayanne

  26. Sending you love and prayers. "You are loved with an everlasting love," and "Underneath are the everlasting arms."

  27. Oh, Trudy! I'm praying for all of you and sending all my positive thoughts for a speedy and thorough recovery! We love you!!!! xoxoxoxo

  28. Prayers for healing for your husband and for you to have strength and above all, peace.

  29. It is not your fault! Life is full of events we neither plan for nor want. Been reading about Joseph...when he was thrown into the well God was with him. While he was a slave God was with him. While he was in prison God was with him. You have been through so much. God is with you. I have been through so many trying times and still learning God is with me. I pray that you and your family will find peace through the knowledge that God is with you, and will see you through this, and will use you mightily to help others in the struggles life brings their way.

  30. hello, you knew he had high col. and you thought you could fix it with diet.... dumb. you have so many children , and with out insurance... dumb you work your poor husband to the bone to provide you the live of a a stay at home mom, with too many children you can ill afford to support....dumb. you should pray, cause it's clear you don't have any common sense!

    1. Go away are not helping. Children are gifts from God who should be gratefully accepted. Being a stay at home mom is the best thing a woman can do for her children. A healthy diet is the best way to fix high cholesterol.
      Why the cruelty? Save it for someone else, this sweet woman is doing her best, and offering her sufferings up to the Lord. What more could you ask of her?

    2. Anonymous - I have to wonder what would cause you to have such a hard heart that you would write the mean-spirited things you did. I pray that you will find grace and mercy from Jesus to give you a heart of flesh in exchange for your heart of stone. However, if you were a man and you said that to my wife in front of me, you would be in ICU right now. Yes, it was that bad. Leave my precious wife alone!

    3. Anonymous (and of course, you would be anonymous, hiding like a coward), whether you agree with Trudy's lifestyle choices is immaterial. Your comment is the most mean-spirited post I have ever seen. You know what they say about karma; I hope it doesn't come back to bite you.

      Trudy, hang in there. I'm sending good vibes to you, your DH and your whole family.

    4. Anonymous... you should really check your self, by what you are driven to leave such words of death on someones page? Especially after they pour out their heart in such grief.
      That evil will bring YOU to your destruction.
      You are a disgusting person. And are lucky to be loved by anyone in your life.

    5. Anonymous, there is a time and place to push your personal agenda at others. This is not the time or the place to be political about lifestyle choices. Trudy and her husband are, like most of us, just trying to get through life as best they can. Trudy is reaching out for words of comfort, not words of condemnation.

  31. Trudy, I am so sorry about all that has happened of late to you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you. One thing I keep reminding myself when I'm in times of trouble is that God is the one ultimately in control and for whatever set of reasons, I am being allowed to go through these situations to draw closer to Him. It's not easy--my husband and I have been going through a lot of things of late and half the time I just want to curl up in a ball and give up on life. Some mornings I just don't want to get out of bed and I can only think about all the "what ifs" of life. But even in the midst of sorrow, pain and uncertainty, God is merciful.

  32. Trudy you and your family will be in my prayers. Please don't blame yourself for what you did or did not have loved your family. I know these are trying times and I'm sure that you will move past this and your families future will be bright and healthy and happy.

  33. Praying for complete restoration!

  34. Dear Trudy, I'm so sorry that you are going through such an awful time. Please don't blame yourself. You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, as always. I'm sure that things will look up for you soon. Thank goodness that you got him to medical help early and he is getting the medication that will help him recover fully. Please take care of yourself too, dear, and know that you are loved! (virtual hug)

  35. big hugs to you...we are in a similar position to you trudy ..homesvhooling sick kids that need extra time and medical wage that's not that wonderful feeding 5 adults and 3 younger children...and my gybby gadgets a medical condition which is a constant stress...he lost an eye and has difficulty with the one ge can see from...take one day at a time....see the good answer not the bad....each time you look at your child and they look at id so simply but so uplifting...your hubby will be fine....i know it....and you will find a way to manage...another big of those squeezy

  36. Sending you love and good wishes. I will keep you in my thoughts.

  37. Trudy, please don't blame yourself. Bad things do happen, alas, to good people, and I'm really sorry you have so much to deal with right now that is negative. Keep your chin up.

  38. Dearest Trudy, I am so wishing I wasn't so miserably sick so I could come over and give you a big hug and tell you that it really is going to be ok. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but it will. The Lord, as you know, is THERE.

    He hasn't made a mistake. He will help you through this. These sweet readers are right..many people have heart attacks and survive. My grandmother was 80 when she had hers...they pulled the plugs on her to 'let her die' and she lived another year. She had emphysema so it was truly a miracle. Your dear Marty is young..very young.

    Please don't blame yourself. Those things simply aren't true. We all eat the wrong stuff... but much of it is just predisposition.

    I'm praying for you right now that you be protected from these fears and the guilt that the Lord would never ever have you bear and be filled with sweet peace from the Heavenly Father's hand. I don't know why so much is going wrong, but I know the Lord will make a way. We've been through terrible trials like this one year - cancer, no insurance, 5th baby with club foot, Tim being on the verge of being fired as he could only work two or three days per two weeks for four months of chemo. $100,000 of medical bills,,,CPS calling us on the carpet for having our baby at home in Florida. Home visits and the whole nine yards! Christian was three months old at the time and our whole church was over the age of 60. I remember mowing the lawn in tears while Tim threw up in bed and my 10 year old kept an eye on the other four..because no one could help. We were far from family and no one even knew us yet. Our pontiac station wagon 1979 was dying on a monthly basis. Yet the Lord did miracle after miracle for us..slowly, step by step, he brought answers, tested our faith, Tim didn't get fired (the manager was a half crazy man with a terrible temper but for some reason never fired him.) Every day I wept and tried not to be afraid Tim's chemo would kill him or that he would come home jobless.

    God took care of us. The only hard part was my fears.

    Yes it was hard work..but the fears when I let them get a hold of me, incapacitated me. We are your church body, and yes we will help. The Lord knows your needs and WILL provide dearest sweet friend. I'd be crying too if I was you. I know your road has been a long, hard, and scary one. Poor thing. How my heart aches for you. But I pray the Lord will strengthen your trust in Him. None of these bad things has to come to pass, nor is there any guarantee they will. In fact, quite the opposite. Let us pray for a new car. We've prayed for so many, Tim and I..and God gave them to us. He loves the impossible. It's nothing to him.

    As soon as I know I am well, I will be at your door dear friend. Loving you so much and so sorry for the dark cloud you are under. I can't imagine being in your shoes..... not quite.

    Shame on anonymous by the way. Sad that she was so quick to condemn..and so unwilling to show her face. I don't know why anyone does that sort of thing. It's so inappropriate and hurtful.

    Love love love you and praying for you with all my heart. :) xoxoxxoxoxoxo

    Love and hugs,

    PS. I will call you tomorrow as I'm too sick tonight.

  39. I am praying for your strength, GOD is ABLE. This is only a test, lol. It would appear that Jesus as left the scene however He is right there with all of you.

  40. metta from italyMarch 1, 2012 at 5:27 AM

    do not blame yourself. your husband, your kids need a positive attitude. now you are in charge of your children.
    sorry for my english. I'll try to translate a traditional story my grandmother told me when I was young.
    A widow with 7 little kid was asking God why those things happened to her: no money, husband dead, little food and poor shelter.
    God answered : everyone complains. go in that room, you'll find complains from other people, choose which you prefer and leave your own.
    The woman decided not to exchange her grief with someone else, because found her grief was the one fitted her best.

    so it is: no one has a grief too big for his shoulder.
    you need to be strong as biblical women were

  41. I'm praying for you & your family in this time of need. Remember, blame is not the answer, so stay strong and with strength will come good health & prosperity.

  42. Trudy, pay no attention to the negative comment. Know that many people are pulling for you and your family to meet all the challenges life has thrown at you--including me.

  43. Dear Trudy -
    My heart goes out to you and I pray that you will truly be able to testify that there is no burden that He cannot carry. " Underneath are the everlasting arms. "

    Can I also say that God does not ask you to blame yourself. You have nothing to blame yourelf for and please do not listen to the little voice inside you telling you otherwise because that voice is a LIAR and false accuser. We are all so prone to blaming ourselves but we need to rest more on the word of God.

    Trudy - you and your family are so LOVED - by those who know you personally and by those, like me who follow your blog.

    Janice x

  44. oh my word, you have been given a heavy cross to bear. I don't know what I can say, not knowing you or your situation or anything about medicine; but I will keep happy and hopeful thoughts for you in my mind. I wish you and yours Godspeed "onto the sunny side of the pavement" soon.

  45. Trudy, I went through this with my husband. He was only 43 when it happened to him...same scenario, pains, ER, emerg surgery...2 stints. Surprisingly, he is doing better after the attack. He began eating better, watching what he ate, and paying more attention to himself. Please know that as hard as it seems, God never puts more on us then we can handle. I know, you are so overwhelmed right now. Please put you hand in his and let him continue to carry you through. I believe/know that he does not want you to blame yourself. I hope you can feel my arms around you right now while the tears well up in my eyes. My sister I will pray for you and your family everyday! I claim a total healing over your husband in the name of Jesus, my Lord and Savior.

  46. Dear Trudy,
    I will pray for goodness to filter in through your understandable pain and fears, to provide warmth, comfort, guidance and creative inspiration to guide you both in your choices. I am sure that you are doing your best. I pray that a new path will be illuminated for you. Blessings!

  47. Lord, Please be with Trudy. Send people into her life and use people already in her life to be your hands and your feet. Please let her know that she does not have to face this alone. Please release her of her guilt and give her grace. Lord, I know without a shadow of a doubt that her babies and her family are going to be just fine, but I also know that if I were in her shoes, I would be just as scared as she is. Please give her peace. Amen

  48. I'm so sorry to hear this Trudy, praying for your family.

  49. Dear Trudy, when I read your post the most worrying part for me is that you believe it´s your fault. I understand sometimes all sorts of emotions come to our mind, but certainly you shouldn't feel guilty. Just make sure you take care of yourself and hopefully your community and family can help in this difficult moment. As others have suggested, having your kids home-schooled by someone else or having them temporarily going to a regular school could give you the time you need. Possibly it would give you time to find a temp job to help with finances. A big hug.

  50. Voçe nao pode determinar o seu fim,assim pois Deus sonha o melhor pro seus filhos,essas coisas acontecem,as vezes ele nos leva pro deserto mais deserto é um lugar pra adora-ló e fazer festa,lugar provisorio ele sempre esta no controle de todas as coisas, ele comtempla sua familia. Não deixe se abater,so louve e o adore ,adoração move o coração de Deus. Nao deixe o iminigo bonbardear sua mente, chame o Espirito Santo ele ira lhe consolar.Gesie ,Brasil

  51. Trudy, many heart ailments are inherited. Did his Dad have any issues? My Dad had his first attack at the age of 47. That was many years ago. He passed away at 50 with a second attack. His was inherited from his father and uncle. My Mother, who had the strongest faith I have witnessed in my lifetime, was left with me, age 14 and my sister in college. She managed and we lived very frugally, but we had everything we needed and most of what we wanted within reason. She was the product of the depression years so she really knew how to stretch things. I tell you this not to make you afraid or sad. Chances are very good that your DH will get through this and do very well. Follow doctors orders and educate yourselves on heart health. I tell you this to say, be thankful for what you have, do what you have to do (not necessarily what you want to do). If that means the children go to public school or another home school home for a while, so be it. God never promised us it would be easy, he promised those of us faithful to his Word that he would walk along with us. Blame helps no one. Move forward and be strong. I wish you strength and peace.

  52. So sorry to hear about this!! Keeping you all in my prayers!

  53. Coming from a sewing blog lurking stranger, first off let me say that it was obvious to me how proud of, and how much love you have for your husband. The great thing is, he is still here, and you can show him how much you appreciate every minute with him... so many people don't get that chance. Look into olive oil and its effects on cholesterol, please remember the good fats are so so important.. The low dose aspirin, even half a Low dose aspirin can give him a little more peace of mind. you will never go hungry, there are too many people who love you and want to help. accept their help with the grace it was offered, but above all enjoy your loved ones. Beating yourself up and having regrets only takes happiness away from you, and remember, pobodys nerfect! (and if they were, I don't think I would want to meet them) but I am serious about the olive oil...

  54. I'm so sorry to hear this Ms. Trudy. Please be strong for your husband and children, they need you. I'll pray for you and your family.

  55. Trudy, may the force be with you and your family.

  56. Trudy, Marty, you, and your family have been in my prayers since I received your email. First and foremost, this is NOT your fault. Nor, is it Marty's. Clogged arteries and high cholesterol aren't necessarily caused by diet and/or lack of exercise and cannot always be controlled or cured by diet. Sometimes these things are hereditary or just the way a person's body works.

    Make arrangements with the hospitals and doctors to pay them off $10 to $20 a month. Don't back down. Also, don't pay anything until you have received ALL the bills (to make sure there aren't duplicate billings). If the administrators give you a difficult time, remind them that you are doing the best that you can and that you at least willing to pay. (Also, don't let them charge you huge interest rates.)

    Sorry for the lecture, but maybe some of this will help you. Take a deep breath...

  57. I hope things start looking up Trudy. It's obvious that you love your family and I've always admired you for that. I'll be sending good vibes your way

  58. "one day at a time"

  59. My husband had stints put into his heart. This was the second time in the hospital. The first time they were able to flush the blockage away. I almost lost him this last time. We did not have any insurance either. The day after they put the stints in; he was up and around and doing better than before the incident. It is surprising how much stronger and more healthy he was. We struggled to get the medications for him. We were unemployed at the time. Slowly, a job came his way and I was able to work for one year with him. The job ended. It had no Insurance. But, since then he did get a job that paid insurance. We live in an apartment. We don't make extra. But, we have been able to make it day by day. I believe God watched over us. I don't understand why we had such struggles. But, we have been taken care of. I pray that God will watch over your husband and all your family and that all your needs will be met. Please believe it can happen. I think it is important for you to be home with the kids; and take care of home life. I pray your husband will be able to find a job that requires less hours and more money and insurance. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  60. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I really am. You are in my thoughts Trudy xo Please do me one thing? Stop blaming yourself for what's happened. Married couples argue. This is normal. I don't know of any couple who doesn't. Also, as unfortunate as it is that your husband had this heart attack, there is no way on earth that any human can be blamed for it. We don't cause heart attacks. They happen because of physical ailments. Even if you never argued, he would have still had this happen. You're a good Mom and Wife. Never forget that. xoxo

  61. Trudy,
    I will pray for strength for both you and your husband. Try to take a breath, be thankful he is still here with you, enjoy every moment with your family and take it one day at a time. My prayers and blessing for your strength, your husband's speedy recovery and peace for your family. All my love and blessings.


  62. Our God is loyal, Powerful, kind hearted, understanding and most importantly a HEALER.
    I personally have been healed 3 times in my life. I believe in full restoration.
    Keeping you in my prayers.

    I cried when I read your post. My husbands family health history is bad. Both grandfathers died at 45 and 50 from heart failure. (Hubby is 34)
    I worry ...he has high cholesterol, and high blood pressure..I got him meds...and encourage him to eat right, exercise. But he doesn't take the meds, or exercise, or eat right and when we argue i drive him crazy. I yell at the top of my lungs at him...

    I'm human. But we have our God who loves us and redeemed us and who fixes our shortcomings, rescues us out of our imperfections, and helps us in our mistakes. Don't blame your self. Bring it to the Lord to fix.


  63. I join with believers here in bringing this to the feet of Jesus. His perfect love casts out fear. Blessed be His name! May the Callans experience His "peace that passes all understanding".


  64. Oh Trudy - I just saw this today. It really touched my heart because I understand the fear on some level. My father has had heart trouble nearly all my life. Numerous heart attacks, massive heart attacks, cardio thromobisis. He also has 2 stints.

    It all began when I was barely in double-digits, my mom had three kids and was homeschooling, too. He had to take time off of work and we lived by faith much of that time. Looking back, I am sure your post echoed much of what she must have felt at that time! My dad was barely 30.

    I wanted to write and tell you that he knows of a great doctor who is very much into naturopathy. The man is a Christian and recommended vitamins and minerals that have helped my dad get off much of the medication - and have been more effective than the medication he was taking. One of my dad's concerns was "If I take this it could ruin my liver, if I don't take it, it could mean another heart attack". Fortunately it doesn't have to be that way. With great diet, exercise and good quality vitamins he is very healthy now. He had a small incident over Christmas that was somewhat anticipated as when he had his first stint put in over 10 years ago he had another artery 50% blocked (it took 10 years for him to get to the place where he needed a 2nd one)!!

    I don't know if you might be interested in me having my father share some of what he is doing to keep himself healthy. All I know is that before he began the vitamins and minerals he was having great trouble - and could barely get through one sermon without having to pop nitro tablets like candy. Now he's off of most of his meds and is feeling GREAT. He is in his 60s and I am confident that he will live to a ripe old age.

    Email me if you'd like.

  65. You might want to start investigating l'Arche communities for Samantha and having an association with them so that when you are not there to provide for her, she will have a place within a sheltered society that will enable her to lead a full and productive life.

    Trudy, sending your kids to public school just to relieve some of your stress would not be the end of the world. Kids are so resilient. They would adapt quickly and would have the option of joining many school-related activities that would fill their hours with opportunities to explore their interests. They would also be in the mainstream that they will hit in university. They might hate public school for the first week, but once kids make friends and become involved, they adapt quickly. You would also have another network so that when you and your husband are not free to take them to events, other parents with kids going to the same events will pick them up. And, when Samantha is a bit older, she would likely derive a great deal of benefit from being around other children her age.

    There are plenty of people who have heart attacks and, with changes in lifestyle, have excellent recoveries without having to be on cardiac meds forever. A friend of mine came close to death from a myocardial infarction. He was on meds for a couple of years. He changed what he ate and took up jogging, lost a lot of weight, and got off all but one med. As for your husband taking cholesterol-lowering meds and your feeling guilty about not encouraging him to do that, well, that is up to his doctor to help him decided whether the risks associated with statins are worth it.

    There are thousands of people with stents who live completely normal lives. Stents pretty much just prop up weak areas (and some are impregnated with drugs). Stents are not a death sentence.

    Trudy, just think about the things you can do to reduce stress around your home for both of you, and do them. Sitting there feeling guilty will accomplish nothing at all. We do what we have to do in order to cope with life on a functional level. You cannot go back and change anything. You can only start today to make changes that will benefit everyone.

    And you know, an 11-year-old child is quite capable of assisting around the house--putting kids to bed, making a couple of meals a week, etc. An 11-year-old and a 9-year-old together can make beds. An 11-year-old can do laundry. There is not a thing wrong with letting your kids know you need help and then giving them tasks. They can feel that they are contributing to the welfare of the family and, once they are used to the tasks so you do not have to supervise as much, you can focus more attention on the welfare of your husband.

    I think that you have had to step through the looking glass a couple of times in the past year and are having a bit of trouble coping. Reach out and ask for help wherever you can get it--friends, your church, the government.


  67. I read your post yesterday and felt such empathy for you and your family. Today, I am thinking more and I have a suggestion. Post more often to your blog - and monetize it. You are good at articulating your feelings and you could be a beacon of light for others going through difficult times. I wonder if you can add a Paypal button? It has to be done carefully, so that you preserve your dignity and are doing it to help others (while generating some income). Just an idea. Maybe if you google around there are other websites successful to show you examples & give ideas.
    All the best to you Trudy!!

  68. Often an older child will take in a Downs sibling after the parents are gone, so I wouldn't worry too much about that. It is SO far in the future. I know you like to stay home, but if your stresses are taking care of the children and not having money, you should seriously consider getting a job and sending the children to public school. They will continue to learn from you as they grow, so it's not like you are letting them down. A job might give you benefits that you need, also. Day care for one or two children is usually less than what you would make working.

  69. a little sewing: What a great idea. Here is a site run by a lady who admits to making money from the site:

  70. Trudy-
    Just wanted you to know that we are still praying and will continue to do so. Please let us know what help we can give you!
    We love you guys!
    :-) Christi

  71. Dear Trudy.....You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    I can remember the day so well...2 years ago in December.....when Roger came through the door, walked to the sofa and sat down without taking off his heavy coat or boots. He had the oddest look on his very pale face. He turned to me and said very quietly...."Pam, call 911, I think I am having a heart attack". Trudy...I don't even remember making the call...I dropped the phone as he fell over onto the floor. Luckily our closest neighbor is a "first responder" and was at our door within minutes...the entire squad soon followed and Roger spent 3 days in the CICU before he was stable enough to have a stent put in.

    He is fine now....but I will never forget the fear that both of us had.

    You are both a beautiful and strong woman, and many are praying for you...including me.

  72. How sad life is sometimes and you are in my prayers with so many others. God is going to help you through all of this because it is too much for any one heart alone. Someone is going to come through for you and more will follow, keep praying and the Lord will send much help. God Bless you Trudy. I look at your sewing site often and like sewing skirts and tops.

  73. The information and adviced posted by Anonymous was in my opinion the best advice that was giving to you. Life is not always fair and sometimes it forces us to look in the mirror in order for us to make changes or change the way we thingk. Sending the kids to public school was a great suggestion because it will main stream the kids and it will decrease some of the stress you are under. Have you checked with Social Security, having a disable child entitles the child to social security disability. That is a federal law not a state law. The money you will get from social security will help with your daughter's care. It will also provide health care for your daughter. Again this is going to require a change in lifestyle. Also there are pediatric medical day programs for your daughter. The program has registered nurses with pediatric experiences. Again, read the information provided by anonymous and take action. May God bless you and your family and give you the strenght that you are going to need to move forward. Please keep the community posted on your husband progress.

  74. Trudy, bless you and your family! No self-blame allowed...there is therefore NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus! I know you don't know me, but I am a Homewood member and saw the prayer request post there. As far as regretting that you had not encouraged him to take the cholesterol lowering medication--you can be so glad he did not! They have sooo many side effects, not the least of which is lowering testosterone levels and causing more tiredness and lack of energy for life. Sadly, there is a lot of mis-information out there about cholesterol--much of it coming from the drug companies. Believe it or not, cholesterol is a good thing. It is necessary for all steroid hormone production (estrogen, testosterone, progesterone, etc.). High cholesterol is no more a risk factor for heart disease than low cholesterol. Famous heart surgeon, Dr. Debakey proved that many years ago with trials on his own bypass patients. He had just as many with LOW cholesterol as he had with HIGH cholesterol. It is oxidized cholesterol that is the problem--damaged cholesterol that causes artery blockage! Your sweet husband would do much better to take lots of anti oxidants than to take cholesterol meds. My husband is a physician and he teaches classes to help educate people on how to stay healthy and stay off of medications--and this is one topic he is passionate about. However, there are natural, inexpensive ways to lower cholesterol considerably (don't want it too low or you stop making hormones) to make the doctors happy and keep one off of medications. I can point you in the right direction if you would like to learn more.

  75. Trudy, check out HDL and LDL when you research cholesterol. LDL is the "bad" stuff.

    I agree with Evangeline that statins can be dangerous. They can cause muscle pain and, in rare cases, rhabdomyolisis.

    Your husband's doctor is the one with your husband's medical history. (S)he can prescribe a health and medication regimen that will help your husband recover his health. Also, has your husband considered taking a yoga/meditation class and learning how to clear his mind and relax on a deep level?

    If you want full information about any drugs that are prescribed for your husband, you might want to check this site:

    Please keep us posted about his progress and your adjustment. And please do not feel guilty about asking your kids to chip in and take on chores and tasks such as taking out the garbage and helping get the little ones settled for the night. For now, the world must revolve around your husband, and your kids will adapt to that if show your confidence in them. They might not like it, but they will adapt. Remember yourself at their age. I would guess that you had responsibilities and that you EXPECTED to contribute to the family. And remember yourself at that age and how you did not have all of the luxuries that kids expect to have today. Kids are pretty tough little units. As long as they have the basics coupled with tons of love, they do fine.

  76. Dear Trudy,
    I am still thinking of you, and I hope your husband is home and doing well.
    love and best wishes,

  77. Dear Trudy! I have a heavy heart pain reading your words, I certainly could not say anything new here, even I am unable to give advice to you because I am from another country and the laws here are very different, but I want you to know that you husband and all your family is included in my prayers. Sometimes life does not face terrible situations, but from my experience I would say to measure the strength to not fall into any type of depression or despair, it is sad, I know .... but you are the head of the family at this time and your own children and husband need all your strength .... please take care! No more feelings of guilt, it is not anyone's fault, just look ahead and continue with all your strength. All my love to you, Trudy.

  78. Dear Trudy! I have been thinking about you alllll day, and had to come find you. Then to read this, I can understand why you are so on my mind. I am sending so much love to you and your beautiful family. You all deserve the very best. Yours, xoxoxo

  79. I hope by now your husband is out of the hospital and doing better. I know exactly how you feel. I am sorry to say your life will never be the same. You will watch him like a hawk from now on. My husband also thought he was having heart burn. 12 hours later a quad bypass. You will get through this, it won't be easy but it will be doable. I have a friend who also doesn't have insurance with a child with special needs. Does anyone know of how to get group insurance if a group of you get together? Someone in blogland must know something about insurance. I also blame myself for not taking better of my husband but in reality it is not our fault. Good luck

  80. Sharon from OregonApril 3, 2012 at 8:41 PM

    Trudy, I just found your site today for the first time and read the heart attack story. Your husband can truely be just fine after his recovery. I know several people this has happened to and doing great. His life could still be very long and healthy. he will just have to do what the doctors advise. As you yourself, God is with you and your family but he helps those who helps themselves and by that I mean you must stop blaming yourself, you must take care of yourself first because if you are not healthy you can't be there for your family or anyone else. Take care of yourself. You have a blog - perhaps you could use it to get income, sell you patterns, sell what you make. Get children involved, they can do more than we think they can around the house and helping to care for younger ones. Perhaps public school would be best at this time. Only you could make that decision. Teach sewing to children for a fee. Look to your church for help they can usually help some financially at least for a short time, sometimes with food. look to the government, if you do not qualify for money perhaps you could get food stamps and medical, at least for the children. Your circumstances have changed since you last looked into it so qualifying may also have changed. Family and friends can be a great help. Sometimes friends will help more than family. Contact the hospital tell the whole story of your family, many times I have heard that they reduce the bill drastically. If you have to do bankrupcy, then so be it - I know it is not what you would want to do but sometimes we have to do what we have to do as a last resort. Pray, be faithful, don't waste your time blaming anyone, yourself or your husband, or God. Just know what you have to do and do it. Millions of women must work outside the home. This may be another option you don't want to have to do but must. also govenerment should be able to provide some relief care the the child that has autism. I pray life will look up for you soon.

  81. I am just now finding this also. It's now been a month since since all of this happened to you. I hope and pray that by now the pieces are falling into place and you are feeling somewhat better about the situation , and that your husband is doing better. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. You were given a lot of suggestions - good suggestions - so I'm hoping you were able to pick up some of them and put them to use to better your situation. Prayers.

  82. Prayers are going up for you and your family right now. Thank God for the "heartburn" your husband was experiencing. Our body has amazing ways of telling us something is going on. Thank God!

  83. By the way, I LOVE your hair color. It is beautiful, which makes you beautiful also.

  84. Trudy just found your amazing blog and was enjoying all your posts and then saw this. Please, please don't blame yourself for this. My son had a heat attack this winter and he is only thirty. You might consider reading up on Cayenne pepper and heart attacks. When my son had his I filled him full of cayenne tea and rushed him to the emergency room. His symptoms matched exactly but the ekg turned up nothing. The doctor said that the cayenne probably worked. Cayenne and Hawthorne berry syrup will rebuild a damaged heart and for someone without inscurance they are very inexpensive and to my knowledge pretty safe with most prescriptions. Blessings and Peace be to you.

  85. Came to visit from Follow Friday. I know you are a very busy stay at home mom, there is a company called Working Solutions, you work from home answering phones, they pay you every other week and you can work around your home schedule. Praying for you!

  86. Speechless...because i just found this blog today and read your posts about Heart Attack and lil Samantha..(remind me to my late baby girl).. May God bless you and your family and give you all the strength also to move forward...Just believe, there will be someone who will come to help you sending by God.

  87. I'm so sorry Trudy, but he's still here. Sometimes there are other factors that cause heart attacks like a blot clotting disorder or enzyme deficiency which causes blood clotting. My 27yo daughter was hospitalized last June with pulmonary embolisms. She was having symptoms for a week or so. We are so blessed that she is still with us. She has MTHFR among other things. MTHFR causes heart attacks as well. I'm not saying he has it, but he might. It wouldn't hurt to have the doctors check. Some don't take it as seriously as they should. All my family might have MTHFR because April does and got the same gene from both parents. We take natural B's, folate and magnesium because someone with MTHFR can't process the common artificial b vitamins which causes deficiencies and high homocysteine levels. Homocysteine levels are big factors in heart attacks. They give heart attack victims magnesium and they get over their heart attacks. Lack of magnesium causes arrythmia as well. I've tested it. I had an irregularity in my heartbeat according to an EKG, then started taking magnesium (natural) and it went away. L know some inexpensive sources of natural vitamins if you want, you can email me. We are praying for you. It's not your fault. God has given all of you more time to be together:) June

  88. I just found your blog and I wanted to let you kow that we are praying for you.

  89. Trudy, you are evidently very intelligent and creative. Could you not work on weekends and evenings, maybe teaching sewing lessons since home sewing has undergone a revival? Is there some sewing fabric store that would pay you to do that in their store? I find that so many classes happen during working hours, and may of us cannot attend those classes. A Saturday afternoon class would fit our needs. I took a few classes in home sewing and really improved my skills that way.

    The situation you are in with one person supporting a family of 8, no health insurance, no college funds, no real financial security, must be terrifying. I think that a lot of families thought that the good times were here and went ahead with the traditional large family with a father supporting everyone and the mother staying at home, and now they are in a pickle. The time has come for women to do what they did during the war when the men were off fighting--go back to work and do whatever it takes to help the family survive. And, having a second source of income would sure help reduce the stress on your husband. If nothing else, a second income could allow you to pay for medical insurance. It could also lead to your running your own business at some point. Staying at home might not be what your family needs most from you right now, and we all have to put the needs of our families before the needs of ourselves. That first step is the scariest. Just take one step at a time, but do take them.

  90. Trudy, You and your family are TRULY in my prayers. I can't imagine how difficult it is for you now but I know God does and he's not removed from it---He's standing with you in it.I know it's hard to understand why God will allow circumstances in our lives. But I pray that as the Word says---"His GRACE will be sufficient" for you and all that you need. May the God of all comfort hold you during this time. May God be your strength and shield Ps. 28:7. Love you......

  91. Buy a copy of EAT to LIVE by Joel Furhman. He is a doctor who advocates healthy eating; following it will reverse all damage to your husbands heart. Joel Furhman also has a website. Google it. I had my father follow it for two years and there is no evidence of heart history now. Try it. God bless.

  92. Dear Trudy--I hope God has shown you the doors He has opened through this unwelcome corridor. A gf of mine works at home as a freelance book editor. Your husband's health isn't your fault, but this is a good reminder to us all that life is infinitely precious and fragile. You're not alone.

  93. "TRUST
    in the

    and do good;
    so shalt thou dwell in the land,
    and VERILY thou shalt be fed.

    "DELIGHT thyself
    also (!)
    in the LORD;

    and HE
    shall give thee
    the desires of thine heart.

    unto the LORD;

    trust also IN HIM;
    and He shall bring it to pass.

    IN the LORD,

    wait patiently
    for Him;

    ...fret NOT thyself...

    "Cease from anger,
    and forsake wrath:
    fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.

    "The meek
    shall inherit the earth;
    and shall delight themselves in the ABUNDANCE of peace.

    "The LORD upholdeth the righteous...The LORD KNOWETH the days of the upright....They shall NOT be ashamed in the evil time: and in the days of famine they shall be SATISFIED.
    "The steps of a good man are ORDERED by the LORD: and He delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall NOT be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.
    I have been young, and now am old; yet have I NOT seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. (!!!) He is EVER merciful...

    "Depart from evil, and DO GOOD; and dwell for evermore."

    "For the LORD loveth judgment, and FORSAKETH NOT his saints; ...
    The salvation of the righteous is of the LORD: He is their STREGTH in the time of trouble.
    And the LORD shall HELP them and deliver them: He shall DELIVER them ... and save them, because they TRUST in Him."

    Psalm 37:3-5, 7-8, 17-19, 23-28, 38-40

    Do not forget, Trudy; Trust God with ALL your heart, and respect your husband (!!!).

    He is still your head, and God leads _you_ through _him_.

    You will show your husband your greatest love by trusting God; and trusting him to lead you as God leads him.

    Our greatest temptation (or as I find mine to be) is to jump in and try to protect, or control; fear or be anxious.
    Yet it is a command (!) to be anxious for NOTHING, but in everything let your request be made known unto God, WITH thanksgiving.

    You still have your husband!
    God (already!) has your future, and His care for you planned and in place.

    All that is for you to do is follow step by step.

    And you can do it anxiously, or joyfully trusting.
    I am on this journey too.

    May God reveal Himself to you beyond your past comprehension; and may He bless you with His peace that passes understanding, filling your hearts with the love of Christ.
    May you rest in Him, delighting in His unchanging goodness that overcomes circumstances.

    With loving prayer
    Through our Lord Jesus Christ,

  94. I'm sorry to read you're going through all this. I can relate--my father had a silent heart attack (maybe a couple) and a quadruple bypass (in the days before stints) when he was in his early 40s. I was 16, my younger brother was 2. My mother was a SAHM, we were very frugal out of necessity and then had to do on less. But we got through it, and it's been over 25 years now! We're only now finding out that the American and Canadian Heart Associations diets are total hogwash, and has lead to diabetes. Take the whole grains (and most fruit and other carbs; keep berries and leafy, non-starch veggies) out of the diet. A great new book is "Wheat Belly" by Dr William Davis. Two other great books are "Sugar Nation" by Jeff O'connelly, and "Why We Get Fat" by Gary Taubes. The so called "healthy" diet has led millions of people down the road you're now on. Reaching out to your community is very important, and accept any help that is offered---it's so hard for a mom and wife to admit to needing help. The word will spread and your good karma will come back full circle :)

  95. I am visiting from Never growing old over 40 link party. Sounds like you are going trough a worrisome time right now. I will add your family to my prayers. My husband died at the age of 44 after a long battle with cancer. I worried about all those things you are facing like how I was going to care for my 3 young kids alone. A very scary time for sure. But I did find that God provides the strength you need and the people to help you exactly when you need it. Many times before I realized I was in need of help. I hope your husband recovers and has many more years to be your husband and father to you kids.

  96. How are you and your family making out now that you have had time to adjust to everything? I hope you are all well. It would be nice to see some new baby pics :)

  97. Dear Trudy, for some reason I have been thinking of you the last few days, maybe because I am 42 and have a feeling I am pregnant and I thought of you? Well, i will put you and your family in my prayers and wish your husband a full recovery. God bless you this Mother's Day.


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